How to stop yourself from becoming a...

Drawing inspiration from the writing of Andy Griffiths room 15 have written some recommendations to stop yourself from becoming a cheeseball, a chicken, a bottom, a turtle, the list goes on.

How to stop yourself from becoming a bottom!

1. Wear a helmet to prevent big cracks.

2. Prevent yourself from eating beans or drinking fizzy to prevent farts.

    

3. Wash twice a day with over priced body wash to prevent stinkness.

4.Sleep in the bath with the over priced body wash you buy to be extra clean.

5. Don’t hide in your dad’s huge pants.

6. Make sure your puke isn’t turning brown.

7. Don’t sit on food because your bum might eat it backwards.

8. Do not wear tops where your pants are meant to be and vice versa

9. Make sure brown stuff isn’t forming around you.

By Luke

An Essential Guide to not Becoming a Bottom

1. Have a 100% ice cream diet to avoid pooing.

2. Cover your body with tape to prevent cracks forming. Don’t overdo it!

3. Wear a cycle helmet at all times.

4. Always use anti sweat cream.

5. Avoid hiding in underwear no matter how tempting it seems.

6. Do not attach yourself to peoples’ backsides. It is not a good look.

7. Try not to like the colour brown.

By Tai.

How to stop yourself becoming a cheeseball

1.Never curl up into a ball or use actions resembling a ball.

2.Avoid touching anything containing cheese.

3.Don’t get carried away whilst applying spray tan as orange skin may occur.

4.Apply moisturiser every day to prevent crunchy skin.

5.Resist the temptation to hop in a packet labelled ‘Cheeseballs.’

6. Always deny party invitations as cheeseballs will be the main food.

7.If a cheeseball tries to engage in conversation walk away and tell an adult.

8.If symptoms persist read these instructions again.

9.As a precaution, visit your nearest doctor and ask for a ‘How to stop yourself turning into a cheeseball’ checkup.

By Jacob

How to stop yourself becoming a chicken.

1. Pluck eyebrows every day to stop feathers forming.

                                     

2. Clean your nose every day to stop it turning into a beak.   

                             

3. Get a regular manicure and pedicure to avoid claws.

                                  

4. Massage scalp every day to prevent comb forming.

      

5. Rub legs with anti wrinkle cream to stop wrinkly legs.

6. Sandpaper shoulder blades 3 times a day to prevent wings.

7. Don’t go close to chicken pens no matter how tempting it is.

8. Become chikentarian avoid curry roast and Mexican.

9. Contact farmyard diseases hotline if symptoms persist    

By Cella

HOW TO STOP YOURSELF FROM BEING A DOG

1.To try not to sniff other dogs bottoms.

2. Stop licking and eating your food off the table.

3. Don’t poop on the ground.

4. Avoid walking on 4 legs.

5. Pretty much stop drinking water by using your tongue to lap it up.

6. Everyday shave your whole body to stop growing fur.

7. Never attack a viscous CAT

8. Avoid getting tonnes of saliva in your mouth.

9. Put tar in your mouth so you don’t get sharp teeth.

By Theo

How to stop yourself from becoming a turtle

• Never use breaststroke when swimming.
• Avoid being in the water for more than 10 minutes.
• Try to resist the temptation of turtle food and grubs.
• Wear swimming goggles to prevent eyes from shrinking to about 4mm.
• You must always scrub your back with sandpaper daily.
• Move fast at all times in the water.
• Always get to the water as fast as possible.
• Clip your nails daily to prevent claws from growing.
• Contact 0800 779 779 Sea Creatures if symptoms form.

By Katie

  

How to Stop Yourself from Becoming a Unicorn

1. Try not to put an ice-cream cone on your head no matter how tempting it seems.

2. Don’t put pink dye all over yourself.

3. Never dance on rainbows.

4. Avoid putting fur on yourself.

5. Shave five times a day to prevent yourself from growing fur.

6. Put sandpaper on your back to stop yourself from growing wings.

7. Whatever you do don’t try to grow rainbows from your head.

8. Just don’t sing pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows.

9. Put pegs on nose to stop it from extending.

By Alana

How to Stop Yourself from Being Eaten

1. Don’t dress as a haggis and walk in Scotland on Burns night.

2. Never hide in the oven surrounded by roast vegetables.

3. Try to resist lying beside a knife and fork.

4. Avoid sleeping overnight in the frozen food cabinet at the supermarket.

5. Try not to season yourself repeatedly.

6. Don’t spend too much time sitting in the toaster.

7. Avoid making friends with a cannibal.

8. Resist partying with a very hungry T-Rex [Although they do throw great parties].

By Finlay