100WC
Lost In a Storm
My heart thumping! My hands were frozen and cold! Blue and silver droppings sprinkled me as I walked slowly through the mistiness. Thoughts zoomed around my head like rockets! Where was I? What should I do? Where should I go? Suddenly a flash of light hit the ground! Great lightning and thunder! The violent storm was getting outrageously powerful! I shivered in the darkness. My legs needed a break but I knew I couldn’t stop! It was Hard to see through the dark and thick smog! My bag felt heavier I struggled to pull it. Then I heard somebody say “ Alice!” Was I saved?
By McKenzie Jennings (Year 6)
Hi McKenzie
ReplyDeleteYour writing was very descriptive and kept me 'on the edge of my seat' the whole way through. You have used a range of punctuation and language features to add effect to your writing.
I like the way you began your writing by using effective sentences that 'hooked' me into reading your story. I could visualise and 'feel' what was happening.
Keep up the great writing!
From Mrs Natusch
Team 100WC